That (Dammed) Joyful Bundle (of Problems)
by namelessgal
Summary: This was a bad idea and a half. She should have just left it there but she couldn't. She was running, her feet pounding on the ground, when she saw the bundle, miraculously unharmed in the midst of the chaos. She grabbed it and ran, thinking to herself that this was one thing she would never live down. Hopefully no one got the wrong idea - that would be awkward. Slow burn Femslash
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey! So I know I should be working on WaTtBA but I am having trouble with the next chapter and am thinking of revising chapter 3 because I don't like the way it turned out. It seemed a bit too stiff to me. So I AM working on revisions. BUT (Yes that ever-dreaded but) I randomly got this idea and it has been stuck in my head for a few weeks… and it has taken up residence there and refuses to leave until I write it down and share it. Bummer right? Welp, enjoy this ( I hope) and I'll get working on WaTtBA, just give me some time.**

 **That Dammed Bundle of Problems**

 **Chapter 1**

This was a bad idea and a half. She should have just left it there but… she _couldn't._ She was running, her feet pounding on the ground, in rhythm with Anderson's, when she saw the bundle, miraculously unharmed in the midst of the chaos. She pulled the trigger and put another bullet in the head of the husk and watched the package carefully as Anderson tried to raise the _Normandy_. Then she saw it move and before she even realized it, she was carefully making her way over to the cart and picking it up ever so gently. When Anderson shouted to get her attention and began running again, this time to the docks, she holstered her borrowed pistol, cradled the bundle and followed close behind. He didn't question her, other than a raised eyebrow and exasperated noise rising from the back of his throat.

She dove for cover, protecting the bundle when gunfire sprayed over the makeshift barrier the wounded Marines had their backs to. She carefully placed the bundle in lap of the one with the broken leg and told him to hold it curtly.

"Ma'am-"

"That's an order Marine!" The white faced soldier said no more and she raised her pistol once again, firing an Incinerate at the twisted creatures raining bullets upon their company. They were gruesome, and when one fell, others rushed to it, tearing it apart, armoring themselves with their fallen comrade's body. _Cannibals,_ she thought grimly as she slayed another beast.

When the last one fell, the wounded Marine and his partner told them of a radio that fell with their shuttle. ' _Over there'_ they said, pointing to the destroyed bridge with the wreckage of their shuttle and swarming with more of the twisted beasts. _Of course, why would I even think that it would be anywhere remotely easy to get?_ A dangerous place, but she couldn't leave the bundle here, with Marines who would be unable to defend it. _But what to do?_

Spotting a dead civilian, she strode to him quickly and stripped him of his sweatshirt and tied it over her chest. The bundle made a noise of protest when she liberated the injured Marine from it and placed it in the makeshift sling. This time when Anderson saw her, he raised both eyebrows and started to speak before she shot him the dirtiest look she could manage. His mouth snapped shut quickly with an audible _click!_

Anderson took point as they made their way over the occupied bridge, taking down the Cannibals with practiced ease, slowly running out of heat clips. She slid into cover, and checked the bundle, releasing a sigh of relief when it moved again. Ejecting the spent heat clip, she shifted the makeshift sling to her back and cloaked, sneaking to where Anderson was crouched, out of ammo. The last two Cannibals were firing at him, forcing him to keep his head down. She launched another Incinerate at one of them, and fired thrice at the other as she uncloaked, diving for cover.

Both fell, clearing the way for Anderson and herself to find the radio. Anderson found it quickly and she found an Avenger assault rifle. She took position, protecting Anderson's 6 o'clock as he managed to raise Ashely and the _Normandy_. As the line broke up, Ashley yelled at them to hold their position, that she would bring the cavalry as quickly as she could. She snorted to herself as Anderson took up position to her right.

"Why does this kind of shit always happen to _me?"_

"Careful with that language," Anderson cocked his pistol, "You don't want to be a bad influence." Despite the bullets raining on their position once again, Anderson threw her a mischievous grin as she scowled at him.

She fired off another Incinerate and cloaked as her last heat sink was spent, crouching low behind the crates that served as her cover. She cursed quietly to herself as the bundle on her back began to make a racket, drawing the attention of the Cannibals, the noise coming from nothing visible peaking their interest. Just when she thought they were going to be filled with flaming projectiles, she heard the familiar hum that had so many good and just as many bad memories. A feral grin crossed her face as she uncloaked, much to the surprise of the beasts before her.

She shoved her Omni-Blade through the head of the one closest to her and leaped away, diving for cover as she heard that wonderful hum and the sound of its guns charging up. They fired, just as she reached shelter, and covered the bundle with her own body. Her ears rang as she stood and her face lit up in a grin when she saw the _Normandy_ hovering there, slowly turning around, its docking bay door opening to reveal Ashely and Vega as well as two other Marines to provide cover fire for her and Anderson.

She ran to the open docking bay, leaping over the small chasm that stood between her and her home. She landed gently on the balls of her feet, cradling the bundle, before turning to face Anderson and gesture for him to join her on the _Normandy._ When he shook his head and told her that he was staying, she shoved the bundle into Vega's arms, causing the burly Marine to squawk in surprise, hurriedly holstering his gun. If the moment wasn't so filled with tension, she might've been amused at the situation and his reaction. Instead, she faced the man who was like a father to her and began yelling, saying that she would stay with him then, feeling her face began to burn, her implants reacting to her anger.

He ordered her to the Citadel and reinstated her rank, telling her to get help and then join him groundside. She caught the dog tags he threw across the gap, wondering how long he had been planning to return her title to her; as far as she knew, her tags were still framed in her cabinet where she was being held, with her few other meager possessions they let her keep.

"Besides," There was another shit eating grin on his face. "It looks like you'll have your hands full with this new responsibility that you brought upon yourself." Before she could reply, the _Normandy_ was lifting away and Anderson turning away to join the Marines landing and fighting. The door shut just as she saw a nearby Reaper take aim at a civilian evac shuttle.

She turned away to see Ashely liberating Vega from the squirming bundle she had brought aboard. Ashely held it straight out to her.

"Shepard." She was cradling and bouncing it gently as it wiggled in Ashely's grip. "I believe this belongs to you." Right; her rescue, her responsibility. She took it from the Lt. Commander awkwardly, holding it at arm's length, her hands placed under its arms, its face scrunching up slightly. The bundle looked at her with keen blue eyes, a small tuff of dark hair hanging slightly in front of its face. She, Shepard, looked pleadingly at Ashely as it opened its mouth and a piercing noise escaped from it.

"Help." She practically begged holding it out to her again. Ashely sighed, shaking her head to herself, muttering under her breath as she took it from her Commander. Shepard looked relieved for a second, then a look of pure panic took over her face when the bundle screamed even louder when it was passed to Ashely.

The Lt. Commander quickly handed her back, quieting the scream to a whimper, shaking her head again when Shepard began to awkwardly bounce it. She arranged her hands, allowing her Commander to cradle what she had brought aboard. She had to laugh when its face came to rest against her breast and it tried to feed, shocking the ever stoic Commander. She glared at her, a gaze promising pain, sweat, tears and blood, if she and the other Marines didn't stop their snickering, but it was worth it. She grumbled to herself as she shifted the bundle, so that its face rested against her shoulder instead, gesturing for Ashely and Vega to follow her as she made her way to their armor lockers.

Ashely had to wonder what had prompted the Commander to bring a babe aboard a war vessel and then thought that this would be an interestingly amusing next few months, despite the impending death and doom. Something about Shepard as a nursing mother hen didn't seem possible. Not after what had happened in the past six months. The grin slid from her face and Vega's as well when they heard their assignment, no matter how amusing it was to see Hackett's face when he saw the babe against Shepard's shoulder.

 **A/N: So tell me what you think, please? This is an AU but will be more loyal to the games than WaTtBA is. Just an idea that interested me. Also, this is femslash slow burn with Liara and FemShep, so if you don't like, don't read, m'kay? M'kay. Any ME stories that I do with Femshep will always have a FemShepxLiara element because these two just seem like they belong together (at least in my opinion). Like (for me, at least), I honestly can't see them with anyone else, not even M!ShepxLiara, just seems strange to me. But, oh well, that's just my personal opinion. Anyways, thoughts? Questions, comments, or reviews? You know what to do! Have an awesome day/night!**

 **Namelessgal**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Mars. Fucking Mars. I fucking hate Mars." Shepard muttered to herself, adjusting the babe to rest against her hip as she made her way to the elevator, followed closely by Ashely and Vega. The child dropped its head against Shepard's shoulder and opened its mouth, spittle leaking out.

"Uh-huh," Shepard adjusted the child again, feeling the spittle soak through the cloth. "None of that now. Wait no – no – no don't do that!" Shepard panicked when the child's face screwed up and tears began to leak out of the corners of its eyes. "Okay fine! Here!" The babe's head was presented with the Commander's shoulder and it clasped its mouth over it again. Ashely and Vega had to hide their smirks, Shepard's dark scowl not deterring Ashely from snapping a few pictures with her Omni-Tool.

When the elevator's doors opened to the CIC, Shepard didn't hesitate before marching out and making her way to the cockpit. She ignored the outright stares and secretive whispers from the _Normandy's_ skeleton crew. She paused in the door.

"Joker?" She peered incredulously at the capped head in the piolet's seat.

"Who else, Commander?" The chair swiveled around to face her. "This ship is my ba- ba-" His mouth hung open in shock. " _Baby?!_ Shepard you had a _baby?_ "

"Commander I was under the impression that human females' pregnancies normally take at least nine months." EDI's synthesized voice resounded throughout the small cockpit, crowded with the four humans and child.

"No! I mean, yes EDI, no Joker!" She held the child out in front of her for Joker to see. "Not mine! Well, mine now, but not mine! I found him! Her…?" She looked at the child. "Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know if you're a boy or girl." Shepard bounced the child in her hands, causing it to giggle and reach its arms out to her, open and clasping her pudgy fists. It cooed at the red haired Commander, spittle bubbling against its lips. Shepard scowled at it, fighting against the flutter in her heart and the smile pulling at her lips. _Dammit, he –she is too damn cute._

The babe's eyes looked at her, so filled with trust that Shepard swallowed nervously, and looked away from those dammed blue eyes. She had a soft spot for blue … everything. She shifted the child to her hip.

"Joker, set a course for Mars, we've got a Prothean expert to rescue."

"Again? Jeez Shep, what's with you and archeologists?" Shepard scowled at him, muttering under her breath as she walked away, still followed by the two Marine Specialists.

"Suit up and restock your heat sinks." She told the two of them. "You think you can scrounge up a spare set of armor for me?" The small group stopped by the galaxy map so Shepard could plot the course for Mars. Vega exchanged a look with Ashely, who nodded. "Yeah, for you, but I can't promise anything your kid." Shepard stopped short and whirled to face the pair only to see them making a bee line for the elevator. She could see Ashely and Vega peering out through the closing doors and glared at the two of them, ignoring Vega's little jaunty wave and wink. She growled under her breath, causing the child resting on her shoulder to lift its head and give her a curious look. She looked into blue eyes and murmured to it softly, bouncing it against her hip.

"There, there. Shepard wasn't growling at you, she was growling at those two big stupid idiots. Heh, you think that's funny?" The child giggled and cooed, making nonsensical noises. It reached up one hand and fisted it around a fiery lock, yanking it.

"Ow, ow, ow. None of that now, ow." Using one hand, Shepard tried to fruitlessly free her hair. A throat cleared behind her, and she froze, almost guiltily.

"Uh, hey." She said to the woman before her. The woman gave her an amused look, and Shepard awkwardly cleared her throat, glancing at the bars on her uniform. "Eh, Specialist. A little help if you don't mind?" Chocolate eyes sparkling with repressed laughter, the Specialist saved her commanding officer from the terrifying grips of the child. Shepard let out a sigh of relief when she was freed with most of her hair still attached to her head.

"Thanks, Specialist… ah,"

"Traynor, ma'am." Traynor balanced the child on her hip and offered a sloppy salute.

"Traynor. This child is your charge until I return." Shepard turned and practically dashed for the elevator, ignoring the Specialist's shocked looked.

"Oh, and by the way," She popped her head out of the lift. "I think he – she is hungry. So yeah. See if you can find something to feed…. It?" She pulled her head back into the lift and it descended to the armory.

 _Well, that could've gone a helluva lot better._ Shepard thought to herself when Hackett ended the conference call. She sighed, and dragged her hand down her face, feeling the skin pull and a headache forming behind her eyes. The rescue mission on Mars was a disaster stewed, brewed, and cooked on high.

 _Pros: Found Liara, recovered vital Prothean data, new prototype to study. Successful mission.  
Cons: Found Liara, Ashley near death, Vega courted death, lost vital Prothean data, traumatizing metal death bot on board. Critical Mission Failure. But hey, Liara's back! _

Speaking of Liara, the asari was saying something about analyzing the data on the way to the Citadel and sending it to the Alliance Fifth Fleet. She nodded numbly and followed the asari to the War Room, hearing the far door open. She looked to it and saw the Specialist with _her_ responsibility. And despite herself, Shepard felt her heart warm at the gummy smile on the child's face when it saw her. The child's arms reached out to her, grasping at the air, making noises at the Specialist and squirming in the grip.

Shepard crossed the room quickly and took the child from Traynor, bouncing it against her hip, trying not to completely melt over it. She heard a throat clear from behind her. _Damn_ , she thought to herself, _seems like everyone is clearing their throats at me today._ Shepard turned to see Liara giving her a knowing look, a small smirk playing at the corners of her mouth.

"So do you want to tell me what's going on, or do you want me to guess?"

Shepard swallowed nervously. _Ah, dammit._

 **A/N: Yeah, so I know these chapters are short, but this is a little side project I'm doing for fun. Alright, so to the four of you who've already reviewed; many thanks! I live off of reviews! And sorry for the tease at Liara's reaction, Faith's Fangs and golden8184, but you'll have to wait 'till the next chapter. To Master of the Blood Wolves: 1) I like your name and 2) I'm guessing it's not often that you leave a review? And last, but not least, Leez! Glad I've got your attention, but don't worry! That was purposeful and I have a plan! And Mama/Renegade FemShep is the best. Anyways, leave thoughts and such! Have a good day/night!**

 **Namelessgal**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"So do you want to tell me, or should I guess?"

Shepard stood there, mouth opening and closing with no sounds escaping. She looked at the child in her hands, then back at the asari across from her, shifting nervously in place.

"It's not what you think!" Shepard shouted as Liara opened her mouth to speak. She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Oh?"

"This," she held the child up for Liara to see more clearly. "Is not mine. I found him-her – "

"Her." The specialist interrupted. At Shepard's inquisitive look, her cheeks darkened and her shoulder rose and fell again.

"What? She needed a diaper change. Don't ask me what I used as the diaper – it's better if you didn't know."

"Right… I found _her_ ," a pointed look at Traynor. "While I was escaping Earth." A dark look passed over her scarred face at the memory of her world in flames. "She was in a carriage – miraculously unharmed – and there was a husk and-and-and I couldn't just leave her there!" Shepard proclaimed defensively, a gentle look overcame the dark one when she looked at the baby girl cooing in her arms. She risked a glance at her blue alien friend.

"What? Why are you laughing at me? Liara?" Liara removed her hand from her mouth where she had pressed it to suppress the chuckle bubbling to her lips.

"You assume too much of me, Shepard." At the Commander's inquisitive look, Liara explained.

"You assumed that I would think that she was your child – are you worried about something, Commander?" Shepard flushed slightly at the doctor's coy tone.

"Though," Liara thoughtfully cupped her chin. "I do suppose she is your child now."

"Oh, no no no!" Shepard held the child out before her. "I mean, she's great and all, but I can't keep a small child on the flag ship of the Alliance! It's not safe."

Liara's brow furrowed with slight aggravation, a scowl beginning to take form on her face. She took a step closer to the Commander, as if to intimidate her. Shepard held her ground, cradling the baby girl who reached out, trying to grab Liara by her lab coat. Her pale, chubby hand grasped at the air in between the two women, missing her target.

"Then what do you plan to do with her?" There was an angry undertone to the asari's voice. Shepard's face darkened slightly to match Liara's scowl, and Traynor shifted uncomfortably in the background, both formidable women oblivious to her discomfort.

"Why do you care so much? She's my responsibility, not yours, and she's on my ship! A child cannot be at the fore front of a war!"

"You can't just drop her off at a refugee camp! It'd be safer for her here then there." Traynor could see the child beginning to become upset at the two women's arguing and cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"No it wouldn't! We'll be under constant attack by Reapers, or did you forget that while hiding on your flying fortress?"

"Commander – "

"The Reapers are the reason I was on Hagalaz! I have forgotten nothing, though you seem to have forgotten your responsibilities!" An accusing finger poke the Commander roughly in the chest, puncturing the last few words that escaped from the frowning blue mouth.

"Doctor-" The babe's face began to screw up and Traynor could hear barely audible sniffles emanating from the child. Both women remained oblivious to both the Specialist's and babe's discomfort.

"You would've been of more help in the fight against the Reapers if you were on the Normandy!"

"If I were on the Normandy I wouldn't have found the plans for the Crucible!"

"Ladies!"

" _What!?"_ Both women whirled to face the Specialist, causing her to lose what little courage she had gathered. She swallowed nervously, and began to speak, when the child began to cry. Traynor pointed to the crying child in Shepard's arms. "You're upsetting the kid." She squeaked nervously.

Shepard looked horrified for a moment and began to coo to the child, trying to calm her and Liara looked guilty, leaning forward to examine the child, concern crossing her freckled and blue face. The child's pudgy fists flew in the air, as gasping sobs escaping from her throat.

"Sh sh sh! It's okay, it's okay. Don't worry, don't worry, Sheppy's here!" The fierce Commander chanted as she bounced the child in her arms, and Liara joined in her shushing. Gradually, the child calmed, hiccupping occasionally, as both fearsome women soothed the child. Traynor found the image strange; seeing two renowned and feared warrior women cooing over the sniffling baby. One small hand flew out a grasped the lapel of Liara's jacket, fisting firmly around it.

"No, no none of that, little one." Liara said gently as she tried to free her captured jacket fruitlessly. Shepard snorted in humor, making Liara raise her eyes from her task to meet emerald eyes glinting in amusement at her predicament. The asari drew in a sudden breath in surprise at how close they were, freezing, as if she never planned to move again.

"I'll – uh I'll just be going now." Traynor announced awkwardly, breaking Liara out of her frozen stupor and causing Shepard to look away, a blush crossing her face as the Specialist quickly fled the room. Liara returned to the task of freeing her jacket.

"I'm still angry with you." Liara was informed by the Commander as she worked on prying the surprisingly firm grip of the child off her jacket.

"And I with you." She murmured back, both their voices gentle despite their cold words. The child in Shepard's hands squirmed again and the red head attempted to help Liara free herself with one hand. A moment of silence pervaded the space between the two women.

"So," Liara began when they had finally freed her jacket and she'd taken a step back. She quirked an eyebrow at Shepard as she adjusted the child so that her head leaned against the Commander's shoulder.

"'Sheppy', ey?" Shepard's face flushed again, the blush hiding her almost completely hiding her freckles. She tried to glare at her friend, but the image was ruined by the blush and nervous eyes/

"Not a word Liara. Not a word." Liara smiled coyly at her Commander, calling over her shoulder as she sashayed out of the war room.

"But of course not, my dear Commander," She paused at the door and gave Shepard a look. "I wouldn't want to lose some of my most precious black mail on you so early on in the game, now would I?" Shepard could only gape as the door hissed shut behind her blue friend. Where had this confidence come from? She didn't remember it on the original Normandy.

The baby giggled and gurgled in her arms, seemingly laughing at the Commander.

"Oh yeah, sure." She gave the dark haired child a cross look. "Laugh it up why don't'cha?" Cradling the babe, Shepard too left the war room, making her way down to the med bay.

 **Hey! Don't worry, I still live! And I am slowly but surely updating all of my stories and, as much as I hate to admit it, I got side tracked and start another story that will be a series of one shots. So keep an eye out for "Many Different Ways to Say Hello". Hope you enjoyed this chapter and look for the next chapters of "What a Time to be Alive" and "Dead Kingdom". Have a nice day/night and don't forget to leave a review!**

 **namelessgal**


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